[ti:If You Were Gay]
[ar:Avenue Q]
[al:Avenue Q 2003 Original Cast]

[00:01.84]If You Were Gay Lyrics
[00:02.56]ROD: Aah, an afternoon alone with My favorite book,
[00:06.35]"Broadway Musicals of the 1940s." No roommate to bother me.
[00:10.40]How could it get any better than this?
[00:12.14]
[00:13.22]NICKY: Oh,hi Rod!
[00:13.95]ROD: Hi Nicky.
[00:14.66]
[00:15.24]NICKY: Hey Rod, you'll never Guess what happened to
[00:17.14]Me on the subway this morning.
[00:18.36]This guy was smiling at me and talking to me
[00:22.26]
[00:22.56]ROD: That's very interesting.
[00:23.28]
[00:24.01]NICKY: He was being real friendly,
[00:25.87]And I think he was coming on to me.
[00:28.36]I think he might've thought I was gay!
[00:31.48]
[00:32.42]ROD: Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?
[00:35.04]Why should I care? I don't care.
[00:36.98]What did you have for lunch today?
[00:38.20]
[00:38.50]NICKY: Oh, you don't have to get All defensive about it, Rod...
[00:40.23]
[00:40.49]ROD: I'm NOT getting defensive!
[00:41.51]What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?
[00:44.49]I'm trying to read.
[00:45.87]
[00:46.29]NICKY: Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod.
[00:48.71]I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.
[00:51.88]
[00:52.10]ROD: I don't want to talk about it, Nicky! This conversation is over!!!
[00:54.30]NICKY: Yeah, but... ROD: OVER!!!
[00:55.61]
[00:56.02]NICKY: Well, okay, but just so you know —
[00:59.96]IF YOU WERE GAY THAT'D BE OKAY.
[01:04.89]I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY, I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.
[01:10.06]BECAUSE YOU SEE, IF IT WERE ME,
[01:14.89]I WOULD FEEL FREE
[01:16.70]TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY (BUT I'M NOT GAY.)
[01:19.98]
[01:21.00]ROD: Nicky, please! I am trying to read....What?!
[01:27.80]
[01:28.23]NICKY: IF YOU WERE QUEER
[01:29.33]ROD:Ah, Nicky!
[01:30.64]NICKY: I'D STILL BE HERE,
[01:31.48]ROD:Nicky, I'm trying to read this book.
[01:32.90]NICKY: YEAR AFTER YEAR
[01:34.41]ROD: Nicky!
[01:35.07]
[01:35.51]NICKY:BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR TO ME,
[01:37.34]ROD:Argh! NICKY:AND I KNOW THAT YOU
[01:39.50]ROD: What? NICKY: WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,
[01:41.95]ROD:I would?
[01:42.88]NICKY: IF I TOLD YOU TODAY,
[01:44.78]"HEY! GUESS WHAT,
[01:45.73]I'M GAY!"(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)
[01:47.45]
[01:48.23]I'M HAPPY JUST BEING WITH YOU.
[01:51.51]ROD: High Button Shoes, Pal Joey...
[01:53.18]NICKY: SO WHAT SHOULD IT MATTER TO ME
[01:55.32]WHAT YOU DO IN BED WITH GUYS?
[01:57.76]ROD: Nicky, that's GROSS!
[01:59.29]NICKY: No it's not!
[02:00.10]IF YOU WERE GAY I'D SHOUT HOORAY!
[02:04.88]
[02:05.11]ROD:I am not listening!
[02:05.97]NICKY:AND HERE I'D STAY, ROD:La la la la la!
[02:08.17]NICKY: BUT I WOULDN'T GET IN YOUR WAY.
[02:09.72]ROD: Aaaah!
[02:10.52]NICKY:YOU CAN COUNT ON ME TO ALWAYS BE
[02:14.30]BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY,TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY,
[02:18.09]YOU WERE JUST BORN THAT WAY,
[02:20.18]AND, AS THEY SAY, IT'S IN YOUR DNA,
[02:22.73]YOU'RE GAY!
[02:23.77]
[02:24.04]ROD: BUT I'M NOT GAY!
[02:25.13]NICKY: If you were gay. ROD:Argh!